The Why? List

Getting Up 3-5 Minutes Before Your Alarm Goes Off

*Uuunnggh* Huh? What? I don’t hear my alarm..

Sweet! I get to go back to sleep! What time is it?

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Stop Ignoring People’s Messages

Go ahead, ignore this message.

From my point of view this seems to be a growing problem, with websites like Facebook and online dating services being the worst offenders. I’ve already briefly talked about this subject in another post. But no one seems to want to bring it up so I guess I’m going to have to.

This is one of the rudest things to do to someone when you have no rhyme or reason to ignore them. If you don’t want to talk to that person anymore, or you’re just not interested in them, then grow a pair and fucking say so. I’ll even do you a favor and mention a couple of alternative strategies:

1. Give them basic, boring responses to their messages.

Think this is more rude than ignoring them? It’s not. While this is still kind of a shitty thing to do, by doing this you are sending a social que to that person that you are no longer interested in their conversation. The person becomes bored by your responses and, in turn, the feeling becomes mutual. Done and done.

2. Make yourself busy.

Once again, this strategy is a lot less rude than ignoring someone, and once again you are sending the social que that you are no longer interested. BUT, don’t keep this going for too long. Eventually send a message with something along the lines of “Sorry man, I don’t think this is going to work out.”

3. Just flat out tell them.

That’s it. Just fucking tell them. Mention how both of you have different, separate lives. Mention how times have changed. Or mention how great of a person they are, but you just aren’t interested.

All of these strategies have something in common: they all offer closure. Do the other person a favor and at least give them that. Don’t just leave them hanging in the fucking breeze wondering what they ever did to make you hate them.

It is the year 2012. Look around you. We live in the fucking future. We have all of this amazing technology to keep us connected, and yet it’s just making things worse when we use it to isolate ourselves, ignore others and show people only what we want them to see.

This shit has got to stop now. I encourage you to reblog this post. Spread this message like wildfire. Don’t ignore someone you don’t like. Just give them the privilege of closure. You’ll be doing both them and yourself a favor.

Fla·Vor·Ice

The best part about this post is that I was eating a Fla·Vor·Ice while writing this, because it almost peaked at about 100°F today. Nothing says summer like a box of 100 skinny sleeves of artificially flavored liquid. When I was a kid that shit would be cleaned out in a few days, but now a whole box lasts me almost 2 months. These things have also been known as Otter Pops, but it’ll always be Fla·Vor·Ice to me.

But the absolute best part of a Fla·Vor·Ice is the grand finale:

Hands down.

Coming Home to an Air Conditioner on a Hot Summer Day

I think this one is also pretty self-explanatory. It’s the best part of the summer! Coming home to one of these after a hot day at work or school makes your long, arduous journey seem well worth the effort.

Make your friends jealous and make a useless status update depicting you sitting in front of an air conditioner!

#airconditioner

#hatersgonnahate

Candy Sizes

Yeah…and…? What’s so FUN about this size? Alas, no fun came out when I opened the wrapper. If I wanted a party in my mouth I would just eat a bag of Pop Rocks. In fact, I’d have a lot more FUN eating a KING SIZE of something like a bag of M & M’s.

…

What the fuck.

Friday Night Not-So-Nostalgia: Zeebo the Clown

If you haven’t already shit your pants, then keep reading.

Initially I was going to do a FNN post about the Are You Afraid of the Dark? series, but then I realized that for the most part the only episode everyone remembers is The Tale of Laughing in the Dark. You know, the one with Zeebo the Clown in it. That scary motherfucker who gave every Nickelodeon kid nightmares?

Seriously man, even people who aren’t scared of clowns would be after meeting this guy. Just look at that fucking face! My favorite part of this episode was the backstory they gave to Zeebo. He was basically a circus clown who stole some money, then ran and hid inside the Laughing in the Dark ride, only to be burned alive when his cigar ignited the place. That stupid motherfucker. But anyway, that backstory was what really brought the character to life. Not to mention that chilling laugh of his.

Don’t feel like sleeping tonight? Head on over to YouTube to pay your respects to the greatest Nickelodeon horror icon ever.

I may revisit this episode and dissect it in more detail, because there are plenty of things to point out about it (like that classic hammy 90s kids’ acting style), or maybe even the series as a whole.

“What do you think I am, some kind of clown?!”

Reader Submission: “Sorry, I have to do laundry tonight.” The worst excuse ever.

Today’s reader submission comes from the mind of Chris of LOLadelphia!:

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We’ve all been there. Bored and looking for something to do, you start sending out text messages to people hoping to find someone who wants to go out to eat, catch a movie, hang out, whatever. Suddenly, you get a reply from one of your friends that says, “Sorry, I have to do laundry tonight.” What…the…fuck?

This is seriously the lamest excuse ever, and the people who use it have no idea just how pathetic it actually is. Besides the fact that if they don’t want to hang out, they should just say they’re busy and leave it at that, saying they have to do laundry just makes no sense. Here’s why:

1. The beauty of laundry is that one can put something in the washer or dryer…then walk away and do something else. Am I really supposed to believe that you’re just sitting there in front of the washer and dryer afraid to go anywhere?
2. Even if they want to hang out, but have to do laundry…am I really supposed to believe that every single shirt and every single pair of pants you own is dirty and you can’t leave the house until it’s done?
3. If laundry does have to be done, just put on something dirty. People wear dirty clothes all the time. Unless it smells or is riddled with stains, I won’t know it’s clean or dirty, and frankly, I don’t care what it is either way.
4. Laundry does not take all night to do. You can afford to walk away from it for a little bit.

I hate this excuse, and the people who make it are seriously insulting you and think you’re stupid. It would be less offensive to just say, “I don’t want to hang out tonight,” instead of coming up with an excuse with so many holes.

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Excellent submission Chris! Many good points are brought to attention here. It makes me wonder how many other excuses have as many holes as the Laundry Excuse.

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