The Commercial Food Always Looks Better
I was always suspicious as to why the food on fast food commercials always looks better than the real thing, and now I have my answer.
One can’t help but appreciate the meticulous work that goes into making a Burger Celebrity. But either way, it’s still greasy as hell.
Yeah…and…? What’s so FUN about this size? Alas, no fun came out when I opened the wrapper. If I wanted a party in my mouth I would just eat a bag of Pop Rocks. In fact, I’d have a lot more FUN eating a KING SIZE of something like a bag of M & M’s.
…
What the fuck.
Ah, yes. Chef Boyardee. The dog food for humans.
Oh hey there Pizza Box Guy! Haven’t seen you in a while. You sneaky devil. Thought you could just chill out on the inside flap of an Apollo Pizza box and think I wouldn’t notice? Wrong. I know you are responsible for the success of every small pizza joint that uses your face and hand of perfection that signifies I am trying nothing short of THE BEST.
I’ve always remembered how strange sick days were. No doubt they were awesome even though you felt like shit, but everything seems a little less normal. I’ve always noticed that sunlight in the house always looked a little different than usual. It actually seemed to look brighter than it does then when you were at school or work. Not to mention the house was empty since both of your parents were at work. It was just you, a couch or bed, the TV, and The Bucket (and I guess your cell phone nowadays too). Oh yeah. The Bucket. You know which one I’m talking about. Your mom probably washed it in the dishwasher the next day then used it to cook spaghetti.
Still to this day, sick days feel a little off to me. It’s always that combination of a little guilt, sunshine that’s a little brighter, and a little feeling of victory thinking about the suckers who had to work today. But, holy crap…the excruciating pain!!!
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have this on-again-off-again habit of grabbing the candy bar behind the first one.
Because I know what that first one has been through. It’s been through floor drops, dirty hands, and Grabby Kids. Grabby Kids are the kids whose wrists are slapped from grabbing something they shouldn’t or something their parents can’t afford to buy for them (and sometimes resulting in the aforementioned floor drop). Sometimes it’ll get crunched up and slammed back into its box from Angry Parent’s retaliation against Grabby Kid’s swipe.
Be wary of the first candy bar.
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